2007: A year to forget (pt. 2)

2007 - Good Riddance!


This is my second installment of three, looking back at the previous year that was dominated by bad news. There were a few good things about the year but they are completely offset by all the bad shit. So heres more shit that went down.

17.) Michael Vick loves animals - Theres nothing like a good fall from grace and this fucker fell about 3000 feet when he got busted for his involvement in a dog fighting ring. How fucking stupid do you have to be when you're making millions of dollars to play under 20 games a season and you want to make extra cash in dogfighting. Its not like he just has a "passion" for dog fighting and loves the "sport" of it. He was obviously trying to make some money doing it, or perhaps its just a family tradition or maybe he just likes breeding cute little bloodthirsty killer doggies.. I have no clue.. Go Falcons!




18.) Virginia Tech Massacre - Seuing-Hui Cho thats the last time I'll say that fuckheads name and thats about 10 times too many from my count. The fucker wanted to be famous and claimed that society did this to him by constantly rejecting him. The truth is that the fucker was a bizarre ass introvert. So he took out his inner sadness out on his college classmates, he shot a couple of them then goes to the post office to mail his retarded video message and get a sandwich. After that he went back to school to just randomly shoot anyone who happened to be in his presence. One thing that didnt make any sense was how they critiqued his screenplays like they had some hidden message of his inner demons. I read that shit and I've found scarier stories in my own daily stool samples. Its a sad state of affairs and its hard to even make jokes about how this guy was probably just mad at the world because his introvert ways made it impossible for him to get laid. From all the stories I've read he was just a straight up selfish prick through and through who hated anyone and thought he was destined for greatness. Well hes dead no loss there, shitty he had to take innocent people with him. Why cant people like this just do the respectable thing and jump off a bridge... a bridge that crosses over a freeway.

19.) The NBA is proven to be rigged - In the biggest news that everyone already knew, one NBA ref got exposed as a complete phony and then got his ass nice and fired. Good job Tim Donaghy! So the dude was pulling a Pete Rose and gambling but he did it on games he was officiating. I doubt hes the only one too. Its so blatantly obvious that the NBA is about as real as the WWE. Even worse about the NBA is those last 2 minutes of any game that lasts about an hour its about as interesting as watching a bowl of fruit rot. Plus the refs have a little too much control on the game during that period. Calling fouls, jacking off on the floor to cause players to slip, shitting on pro sports in general... making it seems less like sports entertainment and just being fuckwads. I remember those days where I got excited for the Pistons and Grant Hill looked like the next Michael Jordan, Allan Houston was my favorite player... then I realized that the NBA is fucking boring and rigged. All this guy did was make it official to the public.

20.) Bob Barker says Enuff Z'nuff! - After Rod Roddey died this old man shoulda hung it up. Really it was sad to see this legend walk away from such a great institution that represented what America is all about... Staying home from work or school and watching Bob on the Price is Right. Its an American institution.. Bob always knew where the wheel was gonna stop ALWAYS. Now we have Drew Carey not a bad option and a solid host but how do you replace a legend? Drew's fromidable and he has his whole spin the wheel, "Ok anyone you want to say hi to back home?" its fine but we are all still mourning the loss of Bob so its gonna take some time to get used to Drew. Best thing about all of this is that the show will go on. Bob and his sexually harassing and womanizing ways are too old even for Cialis... time to move on. I got myself spayed in honor of Bob's final show.

21.) Buy a house! - The housing market was complete shit all year. If youre into real estate purchasing this was NOT your year. The market was as powerful as Lindsay Lohans preformance in Georgia Rule. It was a shit year for this and an hope it continues to diminish because all that does is cost people money. People who have more money than me... So hey house market I hope you continue to sink into the sewer, maybe then I wont feel like such a loser. Too bad I am regardless...

22.) That annoying AllTell guy with the blonde hair - Am I the only one that was annoyed by this guy and his super gelled hair? Plus they think they are all keen and shit having four other nerdy guys representing other cell phone companies. I just cant take this dude anymore, Im glad Im not a customer of that company because if I was I would have eaten my phone and shit it out after seeing the marketing they are rocking. Yuck. If I ever see this dude in public I wont think twice about masterbating until Im about to cum, then I'll just walk by him and blow it on the back of his coat or something. I cant take anymore of this dude.


23.) Windows Vista - Who the fuck actually bought this? I kept waiting for a cracked version to pop up but no good version actually came. Good work Microsoft! Also good work on making Vista so NO ONE WANTS TO USE IT AT ALL! Typical of a new product by M-soft its loaded with bugs and mistakes its a modernized version of M.E. with how fucked up it is. Getting excited for a new M-soft O.S. reminds me of everytime you go to Mcdonalds because you think its gonna be SOO DELICIOUS and all you end up with is a runny ass and bloated misery... It didn't help that they released about 20 versions of it and the only one anyone really wants is the ultimate version for like 600 bucks. I fucking hate Apple, but why does M-soft have to do this every time they have a new O.S.? Is anyone even still using Vista? I figured by now everyone has jumped back to XP. Oh yeah Microsoft had shit with the Xbox 360 too.. Every machine is destined to get the red ring of death at some point... For the record I LOVE my Zune! Fuck Apple, fuck iPods, fuck iAnything and fuck these assholes on the commercials for Apple. They annoy me more than an ingrown hair on my back that I cant reach.

24.) OH BOY!! The fucking iPhone - OH BOY!!! A touch screen, iPod and Youtube on a phone!! OH BOY!!! 600 dollars for a phone!!! OH BOY!! I'll be the coolest guy and the envy of my friends!! OH BOY!!! My phone bill is 1000 pages long and gets delivered by U.P.S.. OH BOY!!! Its not the mobile internet.. Its the whole internet!! OH BOY!! Wait, I cant add memory? WTF!!




OH BOY!! I'm cooler than you!



25.) Jabba O' Donnel, you're fired - Why was Rosanne's lesbian sister on T.V. so much this year? Not that I watch the View but it defiantly became a more watchable show after they removed that 500 lb bag of dike off the show. The bitch got too much media attention all year! First she makes fun of Donald Trump for giving Miss America a second chance after admitted drug use. This began a huge war or words that brought us such great quotes from Trump like "Rosie is a big fat pig." and "Rosie came to my wedding reception, she had lots of cake." Then the barnyard lesbo began a war of words with fellow co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck just because her political and religious views are different. It led to Rosie finally leaving the View and housewives all over the country had a nice sigh of relief. I'm not even that fond of Trump but on this he made some good points she is just a fat bully. Seriously as I write this Trump is on Letterman and once again mentioned that hes doesn't care for her. Let me get this straight too, I dont HATE anyone because of what they are, its how they represent themselves. I LOVE lesbians, I don't however like DIKES... like this beastly woman who spouts off as if she is never wrong then feeds into shitty public feuds just because it starts a buzz on TMZ. Plus she was on a show called the View but wouldn't let accept that Hasselbeck had her own view on things. Go eat some more cake and continue to be ugly Rosie.

26.) Burn California Burn - Out of control wildfires grabbed the golden state by the dick and blistered it up worse than Paris Hilton's herpes. Many in southern California were left homeless most people in So. Cal were already homeless. I really didn't want these things to stop I was hoping it would last until Armageddon, too bad they only lasted 19 days. 6000 firefighters worked this gig including some from Tijuana and Tecate... those guys were obviously much cheaper to hire. One sad thing happened in these wildfires Joel Zumaya injured himself moving boxes from his dads attic and now hes gone for 1/2 the baseball season. Other than that some celebrity homes burnt and they will build new ones.. Actually almost a million homes were evacuated which proves that too many people live in Southern California. However only about 15-1600 of those homes were destroyed.

Someone left the oven on!



27.) Please do not crank dat Souljah Boy - As if hip hop music can't get any worse, this thing had to attack the world. I don't even know anyone who actually likes the song.. All I ever hear is about how bad it is and people downloaded it to basically make fun of the song. Then they downloaded the video to make fun of how bad that gay ass dance is. Plus of course theres the barrage of your friends going "YOOOOUUUUUUU" and "SUPA-SOAK DAT HOOOO." just to make reference to this pretty little stool sample. Everywhere for like 3 months this thing was punching people in the kidneys. I didn't even know there was a market for bad rap anymore. From what I've seen the whole hip hop market is pretty much dead. The only things that sell are singles and thats because people want these horrible songs as their ringtones. Back in like 1999 rap kept music stores alive now even that crap doesn't sell. This will eventually go into the same bin as the Macarena, Haddaway, Mambo number 5 and the entire Master P catalog. Next August you'll be able to buy the whole album for $1.75. Its one of those songs that we will look back on and think.. Why the fuck was that popular? What were we thinking? Its that its so bad it caught on because we as a culture are so dumb that if they pound something into our head enough, it actually sells no matter how bad it is. That "buy you a drank" song also fits into this category of horseshit hip hop that still caught on.


28.) YouTube makes people famous - How the hell did that "Leave Britney alone" douche Chris Crocker get a development deal? Some producer or agent saw that video and was like "WOW, I see remarkable talent in that kid!" the other videos that Crocker has put out there pretty much all imply flamer incest with his brother. Sure its just something stupid he put out there for YouTube but come on. THIS guy gets his own show in the future? Then of course there was Chocolate Rain by Taye Zonday(real name Adam Bahner), it consists of lyrics that don't make sense with a deep baritone voice and a chorus over and over. But he does however move away from the microphone to breathe. This is another guy who actually is making money from his simple little YouTube video with his Doctor Pepper commercial. When I first saw it I thought the guy was a complete tool, but the more ya see Taye Zonday the more ya gotta like him. I still think that fucking song makes no sense though.

29.) That Bridge in Minneapolis - 6 people died when a bridge over the Mississippi river in Minneapolis came crashing down during rush hour. Thats one less person that died in all of those wildfires in Koli-forn-ya. It was known as a bridge that needed to be replaced but they just ignored those facts and let it go. Thats the Minnesota way.. Probably because it was on a very popular freeway.. Good job Twin Cities... There were people stranded on chunks of the bridge that weren't completely underwater, people trapped in their cars, a bus full of children flipped but landed on all four wheels.. it looked like a few people were gonna be late getting home that day.





30.) A female speaker of the House - What the fuck Nancy Pelosi? You know as much as I that women can't do men's work. Did you give Bush a rim job or something? You should be cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and servicing your man. That is if you have a man, considering you look like if Abraham Lincoln and a house cat had a child . If women want equal rights then they should stop asking me to lift or carry heavy objects for them. Open your own damn jars ladies if you're as capable at doing things as men... Honestly I don't care if we have a woman speaker of the House as long as she doesn't let her emotions control how she controls the House.


Man I wanna go down on that!


31.) Facebook is a little much - The most overrated social networking site there is rose to the top for about a minute and now its luster is quickly diminishing. Its too busy and do I really need to know that someone on my list took an 80s movie quiz? Facebook is loaded with lame shit, like the daily digital gifts you can send to your friends or building your own facebook car. Its too much! Not to mention they monitor what you do invading your life just so advertising that will appeal to you is fed to you. It literally stalks you! No, I dont want to add this application to my facebook.. why did it add itself anyway!! Facebook is the social networking equivalent of a person who talks too much because they think they know everything when in reality its just annoying to even listen to them talk at all. I do have a facebook that I rarely use, Myspace is still far superior and less in your face.. Facebook should fall back to obscurity in about a year or two.