2007: A year to forget (pt. 3)

2007: A Final Fuck You!


This woulda been up sooner but my ass was in jail for committing anal necrophelia on dead cats. Anyway heres my final send off to the year that totally blew!


33.) Dog Shit - Many people already thought this dude was a fucking white trash freakshow. What kind of bounty hunter doesn't carry a gun, instead opting for mace? Hes also a hardcore bible thumper with a disgusting looking HUGE breasted wife. But we knew these things... We didn't know he was a racist. Kinda. His son was dating a black woman and he didn't like that because the family likes to drop N bombs all over the place just to refer to black people... thats about as rad today as a fanny pack (which I'm sure Dog has a few of ). So in a phone conversation with his son hes trying to explain how him dating a black woman might ruin his career, because they as a family, have no problem dropping an N bomb here and there. The problem for Auggie Doggy was that his son taped the conversation and sent it to the "press" (I use the term "press " loosely considering it was the national enquirer.) Suddenly he proves to be what we thought he was.. nothing but a trash bag. A trash bag that caught an infamous rapist and risked his own freedom for it, but still.. We live in a society thats overly sensitive towards anything but the biggest no no word is the N' word. I don't mean the word necrophilia or nanosecond either, I mean the word nigger(there I said it)... I'm not a fan of it for what it represents and to me its the context that any racist asshole says it that gives it the meaning it has. If I stub my toe and say "ouch that hurts like a nigger!" that don't mean shit.. it has no racist meaning.. The word itself is nothing more than an arrangement of letters that represent sounds to make the word, like any other word. But when used derogatorily it is an awful word. The word itself isn't whats wrong its the pricks who say it and MEAN IT that are. I feel the same way for a racist black person (which I think there is way more of).. a racist is a racist and they are all pieces of shit! I didn't grow up in some fucked up time where people separated people on skin color. I was raised take people for what they are...if you're a bucket of turds then so be it and shit on you.. I'm sick of how a black man can totally diss a white man as racist as he wants but the moment any white guy says the N' Word.. the white guy is the racist. Is Dog as racist? Who knows for sure, he might be.. The fact is he IS white trash and DID use the N' word. Is the N' word itself bad? I would base my opinion more on the context than the word itself.

34.) Bail Bonds (pissing on history) - Those won't even help when its finally known as a fact that the incredible douche known as Barry Bonds is finally taken away to prison for lying to a grand jury. This fucker shit showered us all with his destruction of the best record in baseball history. When he hit 756 I got ill.. For a period of time I wouldn't even refer to this prick by name I just called him that Giants left fielder. He fucked baseball history without a condom and gave it the worst case of syphilis ever! Sorry no one goes from hitting 40 home runs a season to hitting 73 the next without some magic "vitamins". Hes a complete prick to his fans, the media, and anyone else who just wants to talk to him. Charles Barkley said "I'm no role model" well then Barry's a role model for how NOT to be as a human being in general. For some reason he has a big Balco stooge who refused to admit he gave the Barroid the magic and that guy is in prison for not talking. Im assuming the Barroid threatened to kill his family or something. At least Babe Ruth did it with beer and hotdogs, not roids, shrunken nuts and backne. I HATE the guy period! He acts like all the records are his birthright because his dad is a legend and his godfather is an even bigger legend. The day he goes to prison... I'll be doing Jagerbombs and shouting "FUCK YAH!!!! EAT A DICK BONDS!". Thankfully this record won't last long with the way Alex Rodriguez is consistently playing and mashing homers without putting up 70 home run seasons.

35.) Global Warming I mean Climate Change - If you don't believe that its happening maybe you should go to Northern Alaska and ask those eskimos in Inuit as they watch their homes collapse into the ocean. Al Gore won the Nobel peace prize for his work on this very subject this year. Perhaps Manbearpig does exist. Oh my bad I'm supposed to call this "CLIMATE CHANGE".. As a non recognizable douche bag once said "Wasn't coming out of the ice age a form of global warming? The Earth just has cycles it goes through." Yeah that makes sense if you're an ignorant prick! Seriously, its January and where I live in Northern Michigan, its thunder storming. Wait, it just now changing to snow. Hey, I don't mind global warming it makes my daily life more comfortable, cold weather sucks but I think generations after me might look at our generation as selfish if we dont at least try to do something.













It'll be so much nicer out when its warmer all the time... Go pollution!

36.) Too many fucking threequels - I means seriously was it necessary for all these shit movies to come out with thier third installment. Harry Potter, Spiderman, Pirates of the Carribean, Ocean's 13, The Bourne shit (I see the next one called Bourne in the USA), Rush Hour 3 (ok are you fucking kidding me!) and a third National Treasure movie (WHAT!). I thought movies that had 2 sequels were arranged for GOOD movies. Even the Karate Kid sucked after 3 of them... I'll say maybe Spiderman and the Bourne shit is worth 3 of them but come on Rush Hour? Chris Tucker is about as funny as watching someone pour a glass of milk... The first Rush Hour is to film what Miller Chill is to beer, weak, trendy, disgusting and over marketed. Harry Potter... ugh, I don't even want to get into that lets just get that shit over with already. I really liked the first Ocean's movie, ya know the remake of the rat pack film. But what the fuck Hollywood? You really expect me to buy into ANOTHER one of these (especially since the second movie had Julia Robert's character pretending to be Julia Roberts)? Yeah, I'll pass.. What does it say about society and the creative level of Hollywood when most of the big money making films of the year are fucking sequels? Its says theres no new or original good ideas and people will buy and watch crap if its packaged right. Proof further of this is all the remakes of classics that came out and continue to come out. If a Magnum P.I. film comes out (which its rumored to)? I hope to have drank myself to death by then..


Who likes crap!?


37.) Dont Taze me Bro!! - I'm not really gonna defend the douche bag who stood up at a John Kerry speaking session at the university of Florida to ask him about the Illuminati but seriously those campus cops were power tripping! Dude's a douche - ok a couple seconds of hearing this kid ask his questions we could establish that. He does however have a right to be treated like a fucking human. The kid didn't do anything at all and all of a sudden after the Illuminati question comes out the fake cops (campus police) surround him, carry him off and because he questions why hes being kicked out the shoot the fucker with a goddamed tazer gun. WTF? Various angles of the same incident recorded one some random peoples shitty LG or Samsung cell phones are all over YouTube... He was willing to leave if someone would tell him what he did wrong? Tell me what the dude did wrong seriously? Besides be a douche - which he was. Then when you hear those glorious words in his state of terror "Dont taze me, bro" and they do it anyway... Fucker did NOTHING WRONG! My question is, why did he add the bro to the statement? Was that a form of peace offering? Like trying to be cool with the power tripping wannabe campus cops? That isn't gonna work in that environment, those glorified security guards were showing off for Mr. John Kerry... Shit even Kerry was answering the questions as they tazered the poor D.B. That my friends is the state of our society, if we dont like you FUCK YOU...sad, sad. I do hope that kid sued the U. of F. My message to all of the U. of F. is F. U. just cuz someones a douche doesn't mean you can be that level of a prick, no matter how much any of us wanted to. Its called fucking rights!













TAZERS ARE FUN!


38.) Harry Potter in general - YUCK!! You fags who ran out to buy this LAST(thank God) book like it was a next gen. video game console and camped out need to get a life. I'm a big nerd myself but this is a whole new level of nerd, the people who read this trash are the same ones who you catch secretly picking their nose, then move their hand away quickly when you notice only to act like they're thinking by putting the same dig dugging finger in their mouth... sucking the booger off their finger. Whats even sadder is the bible thumper who claims this second coming of Super Fudge is EVIL and from the devil. As mentioned earlier this garbage is guilty of being one of those threequels so thats another stike against author J.K. Rowling or whatever she calls herself. I think the most rewarding thing about all of this was when Daniel Radcliff came out and bragged about banging random fans (how old can they be? 16 at most? Most likely 12? Who reads this crap?) and then he poses nude with his uncircumcised cock adding more vomit taste in my mouth. Rewarding was the taste of vomit there, just because of it even further pissed on those people who wore those w.w.j.d. bracelets. I can't wait till this whole Harry Potter thing is over completely though because adults should not be reading children's books and adults shouldn't be jizzing spaghetti noodles over shitty children's films like they are.

39.) Sacrificing Summer in the name of work/alcoholic - All summer I was working 2 jobs, in the fall I was working two jobs and juggling an advanced algebra class. Shift's equaled 8am-3 pm for 5-6 days(sometimes 7) then 2-3 days (sometimes 4-5) of 11pm-7am class from Sept-Dec. 4pm-6pm. It kicked my ass all year! I still made time to slam at least 8 beers, 4-5 nights a week. The 20 minute driving time from work town to home town didn't help either. There were several weeks in a row where I stayed up 60 hours straight without sleep. All trying to better myself... Then I got a nice hearty DUI the day I got laid off for the winter (Smart move considering its number 2 for me). Perfect fucking timing.. Looks like I'm gonna do that two job thing next summer again but since I'm not legally allowed to drive, I'll be living in that work town one way or another. I like to work too much and I like to drink too much.. I guess I'm a workaholic/alcoholic/media/information and entertainment junkie... any one else like this exist?

40.) Joey Chestnut - I never thought Id see the day that anyone could eat more hot dogs than a personal hero of mine. July 4th usually means family fun and fireworks for most, for me its catching the Nathans famous hot dog eating competition on ESPN. Its the world series of competitive eating to me and something I always look forward to on that day. Takeru Kobayashi is a 6 time hotdog eating champ he ate 53.75 hotdogs in 12 minutes in 2006.. He beat his own record 6 years in a row up until that point. I thought there would never be a mere mortal to take down this skinny ass Japanese eating king. Then this year the juggernaut of Joey Chestnut showed up and p'wned Kobayashi... The fucker ate 66 Hot dogs and buns (as the rule is to eat the bun also) even my hero Kobayashi beat his own record with 63 dogs and buns but failed to win. Sodium levels peaked maximum levels and my jaw dropped as this fucker beat the king. Now Kobayashi has a severe jaw injury that might keep him from future competitive eating events, like this July 4th tradition. Nice work Mr. Chestnut but I think Kobayashi will always hold the cow brains eating record of 17.7 pounds in 15 minutes. I have to shit just thinking about all of this.

41.) Soparano's no mo' - A classic show that was in my mind overrated as all fuck. I watched enough of this show to know what it was all about and the story, however it never broke any new ground to me. It was a typical mob thing, the same shit I saw in countless Scorsese films. Been there done that and for some reason the public couldn't get enough of the mob. I was actually glad to see this show finally get cut off, it shoulda got canceled long ago.. Tired storylines that have been done in film and the whole shrink thing.. ehhh.. When shows like The Shield and Arrested Development (which are smart and creative for their genres.) are just another show on the list it has to make you wonder. There seems to be some sort of bias against creative new ideas actually working... This just always worked because for some reason the mob sells. Its like that blow up sheep in the porn store that you always wonder "why do they even carry that?" but its always there... it sells. If for only a joke it moves off the shelf... Thats the Soprano's sure they had that awesome way of killing the show with Journey in the background and the family eating the onion rings the BOOM nothing.... That is one of the best endings to any show ever! Make people think.. Something they neglect daily...

42.) That Tornado shit in Kansas - Killed more people than those California wildfires.. Ya think mainstream America gives a fuck... NO! Which is incredibly sad considering more people died here than than any other U.S. tragedy for the whole year. This wiped out a whole fucking town and what do you hear about it? It was a tornado in Kansas... I mean ok I'll be a dick... You live where you love. you should know this might happen. BUT... This was just a temporary little isssue... NO BULLSHIT! Even though you're whole town got fucked. The media treated that wildfire shit like it was Armageddon! Right now Im getting demolished with snow... does it matter, no.. Its just an area getting hit hard. We're used to it. Im also used to pouring warm water on my nuts and rubbing them on the closest teatherball poles. Weather doesn't mean shit! If you live there you deal with it!

2007: A year to forget (pt. 2)

2007 - Good Riddance!


This is my second installment of three, looking back at the previous year that was dominated by bad news. There were a few good things about the year but they are completely offset by all the bad shit. So heres more shit that went down.

17.) Michael Vick loves animals - Theres nothing like a good fall from grace and this fucker fell about 3000 feet when he got busted for his involvement in a dog fighting ring. How fucking stupid do you have to be when you're making millions of dollars to play under 20 games a season and you want to make extra cash in dogfighting. Its not like he just has a "passion" for dog fighting and loves the "sport" of it. He was obviously trying to make some money doing it, or perhaps its just a family tradition or maybe he just likes breeding cute little bloodthirsty killer doggies.. I have no clue.. Go Falcons!




18.) Virginia Tech Massacre - Seuing-Hui Cho thats the last time I'll say that fuckheads name and thats about 10 times too many from my count. The fucker wanted to be famous and claimed that society did this to him by constantly rejecting him. The truth is that the fucker was a bizarre ass introvert. So he took out his inner sadness out on his college classmates, he shot a couple of them then goes to the post office to mail his retarded video message and get a sandwich. After that he went back to school to just randomly shoot anyone who happened to be in his presence. One thing that didnt make any sense was how they critiqued his screenplays like they had some hidden message of his inner demons. I read that shit and I've found scarier stories in my own daily stool samples. Its a sad state of affairs and its hard to even make jokes about how this guy was probably just mad at the world because his introvert ways made it impossible for him to get laid. From all the stories I've read he was just a straight up selfish prick through and through who hated anyone and thought he was destined for greatness. Well hes dead no loss there, shitty he had to take innocent people with him. Why cant people like this just do the respectable thing and jump off a bridge... a bridge that crosses over a freeway.

19.) The NBA is proven to be rigged - In the biggest news that everyone already knew, one NBA ref got exposed as a complete phony and then got his ass nice and fired. Good job Tim Donaghy! So the dude was pulling a Pete Rose and gambling but he did it on games he was officiating. I doubt hes the only one too. Its so blatantly obvious that the NBA is about as real as the WWE. Even worse about the NBA is those last 2 minutes of any game that lasts about an hour its about as interesting as watching a bowl of fruit rot. Plus the refs have a little too much control on the game during that period. Calling fouls, jacking off on the floor to cause players to slip, shitting on pro sports in general... making it seems less like sports entertainment and just being fuckwads. I remember those days where I got excited for the Pistons and Grant Hill looked like the next Michael Jordan, Allan Houston was my favorite player... then I realized that the NBA is fucking boring and rigged. All this guy did was make it official to the public.

20.) Bob Barker says Enuff Z'nuff! - After Rod Roddey died this old man shoulda hung it up. Really it was sad to see this legend walk away from such a great institution that represented what America is all about... Staying home from work or school and watching Bob on the Price is Right. Its an American institution.. Bob always knew where the wheel was gonna stop ALWAYS. Now we have Drew Carey not a bad option and a solid host but how do you replace a legend? Drew's fromidable and he has his whole spin the wheel, "Ok anyone you want to say hi to back home?" its fine but we are all still mourning the loss of Bob so its gonna take some time to get used to Drew. Best thing about all of this is that the show will go on. Bob and his sexually harassing and womanizing ways are too old even for Cialis... time to move on. I got myself spayed in honor of Bob's final show.

21.) Buy a house! - The housing market was complete shit all year. If youre into real estate purchasing this was NOT your year. The market was as powerful as Lindsay Lohans preformance in Georgia Rule. It was a shit year for this and an hope it continues to diminish because all that does is cost people money. People who have more money than me... So hey house market I hope you continue to sink into the sewer, maybe then I wont feel like such a loser. Too bad I am regardless...

22.) That annoying AllTell guy with the blonde hair - Am I the only one that was annoyed by this guy and his super gelled hair? Plus they think they are all keen and shit having four other nerdy guys representing other cell phone companies. I just cant take this dude anymore, Im glad Im not a customer of that company because if I was I would have eaten my phone and shit it out after seeing the marketing they are rocking. Yuck. If I ever see this dude in public I wont think twice about masterbating until Im about to cum, then I'll just walk by him and blow it on the back of his coat or something. I cant take anymore of this dude.


23.) Windows Vista - Who the fuck actually bought this? I kept waiting for a cracked version to pop up but no good version actually came. Good work Microsoft! Also good work on making Vista so NO ONE WANTS TO USE IT AT ALL! Typical of a new product by M-soft its loaded with bugs and mistakes its a modernized version of M.E. with how fucked up it is. Getting excited for a new M-soft O.S. reminds me of everytime you go to Mcdonalds because you think its gonna be SOO DELICIOUS and all you end up with is a runny ass and bloated misery... It didn't help that they released about 20 versions of it and the only one anyone really wants is the ultimate version for like 600 bucks. I fucking hate Apple, but why does M-soft have to do this every time they have a new O.S.? Is anyone even still using Vista? I figured by now everyone has jumped back to XP. Oh yeah Microsoft had shit with the Xbox 360 too.. Every machine is destined to get the red ring of death at some point... For the record I LOVE my Zune! Fuck Apple, fuck iPods, fuck iAnything and fuck these assholes on the commercials for Apple. They annoy me more than an ingrown hair on my back that I cant reach.

24.) OH BOY!! The fucking iPhone - OH BOY!!! A touch screen, iPod and Youtube on a phone!! OH BOY!!! 600 dollars for a phone!!! OH BOY!! I'll be the coolest guy and the envy of my friends!! OH BOY!!! My phone bill is 1000 pages long and gets delivered by U.P.S.. OH BOY!!! Its not the mobile internet.. Its the whole internet!! OH BOY!! Wait, I cant add memory? WTF!!




OH BOY!! I'm cooler than you!



25.) Jabba O' Donnel, you're fired - Why was Rosanne's lesbian sister on T.V. so much this year? Not that I watch the View but it defiantly became a more watchable show after they removed that 500 lb bag of dike off the show. The bitch got too much media attention all year! First she makes fun of Donald Trump for giving Miss America a second chance after admitted drug use. This began a huge war or words that brought us such great quotes from Trump like "Rosie is a big fat pig." and "Rosie came to my wedding reception, she had lots of cake." Then the barnyard lesbo began a war of words with fellow co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck just because her political and religious views are different. It led to Rosie finally leaving the View and housewives all over the country had a nice sigh of relief. I'm not even that fond of Trump but on this he made some good points she is just a fat bully. Seriously as I write this Trump is on Letterman and once again mentioned that hes doesn't care for her. Let me get this straight too, I dont HATE anyone because of what they are, its how they represent themselves. I LOVE lesbians, I don't however like DIKES... like this beastly woman who spouts off as if she is never wrong then feeds into shitty public feuds just because it starts a buzz on TMZ. Plus she was on a show called the View but wouldn't let accept that Hasselbeck had her own view on things. Go eat some more cake and continue to be ugly Rosie.

26.) Burn California Burn - Out of control wildfires grabbed the golden state by the dick and blistered it up worse than Paris Hilton's herpes. Many in southern California were left homeless most people in So. Cal were already homeless. I really didn't want these things to stop I was hoping it would last until Armageddon, too bad they only lasted 19 days. 6000 firefighters worked this gig including some from Tijuana and Tecate... those guys were obviously much cheaper to hire. One sad thing happened in these wildfires Joel Zumaya injured himself moving boxes from his dads attic and now hes gone for 1/2 the baseball season. Other than that some celebrity homes burnt and they will build new ones.. Actually almost a million homes were evacuated which proves that too many people live in Southern California. However only about 15-1600 of those homes were destroyed.

Someone left the oven on!



27.) Please do not crank dat Souljah Boy - As if hip hop music can't get any worse, this thing had to attack the world. I don't even know anyone who actually likes the song.. All I ever hear is about how bad it is and people downloaded it to basically make fun of the song. Then they downloaded the video to make fun of how bad that gay ass dance is. Plus of course theres the barrage of your friends going "YOOOOUUUUUUU" and "SUPA-SOAK DAT HOOOO." just to make reference to this pretty little stool sample. Everywhere for like 3 months this thing was punching people in the kidneys. I didn't even know there was a market for bad rap anymore. From what I've seen the whole hip hop market is pretty much dead. The only things that sell are singles and thats because people want these horrible songs as their ringtones. Back in like 1999 rap kept music stores alive now even that crap doesn't sell. This will eventually go into the same bin as the Macarena, Haddaway, Mambo number 5 and the entire Master P catalog. Next August you'll be able to buy the whole album for $1.75. Its one of those songs that we will look back on and think.. Why the fuck was that popular? What were we thinking? Its that its so bad it caught on because we as a culture are so dumb that if they pound something into our head enough, it actually sells no matter how bad it is. That "buy you a drank" song also fits into this category of horseshit hip hop that still caught on.


28.) YouTube makes people famous - How the hell did that "Leave Britney alone" douche Chris Crocker get a development deal? Some producer or agent saw that video and was like "WOW, I see remarkable talent in that kid!" the other videos that Crocker has put out there pretty much all imply flamer incest with his brother. Sure its just something stupid he put out there for YouTube but come on. THIS guy gets his own show in the future? Then of course there was Chocolate Rain by Taye Zonday(real name Adam Bahner), it consists of lyrics that don't make sense with a deep baritone voice and a chorus over and over. But he does however move away from the microphone to breathe. This is another guy who actually is making money from his simple little YouTube video with his Doctor Pepper commercial. When I first saw it I thought the guy was a complete tool, but the more ya see Taye Zonday the more ya gotta like him. I still think that fucking song makes no sense though.

29.) That Bridge in Minneapolis - 6 people died when a bridge over the Mississippi river in Minneapolis came crashing down during rush hour. Thats one less person that died in all of those wildfires in Koli-forn-ya. It was known as a bridge that needed to be replaced but they just ignored those facts and let it go. Thats the Minnesota way.. Probably because it was on a very popular freeway.. Good job Twin Cities... There were people stranded on chunks of the bridge that weren't completely underwater, people trapped in their cars, a bus full of children flipped but landed on all four wheels.. it looked like a few people were gonna be late getting home that day.





30.) A female speaker of the House - What the fuck Nancy Pelosi? You know as much as I that women can't do men's work. Did you give Bush a rim job or something? You should be cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and servicing your man. That is if you have a man, considering you look like if Abraham Lincoln and a house cat had a child . If women want equal rights then they should stop asking me to lift or carry heavy objects for them. Open your own damn jars ladies if you're as capable at doing things as men... Honestly I don't care if we have a woman speaker of the House as long as she doesn't let her emotions control how she controls the House.


Man I wanna go down on that!


31.) Facebook is a little much - The most overrated social networking site there is rose to the top for about a minute and now its luster is quickly diminishing. Its too busy and do I really need to know that someone on my list took an 80s movie quiz? Facebook is loaded with lame shit, like the daily digital gifts you can send to your friends or building your own facebook car. Its too much! Not to mention they monitor what you do invading your life just so advertising that will appeal to you is fed to you. It literally stalks you! No, I dont want to add this application to my facebook.. why did it add itself anyway!! Facebook is the social networking equivalent of a person who talks too much because they think they know everything when in reality its just annoying to even listen to them talk at all. I do have a facebook that I rarely use, Myspace is still far superior and less in your face.. Facebook should fall back to obscurity in about a year or two.

2007: A year to forget (pt. 1)

2007 - You wont be missed!
In a year that contained so much nonsense, I was a silent observer. Being my first blog on this particular corner in the series of tubes, I will give my holiest of opinions on the year that we all just thankfully left behind. These are listed in no particular order.



1.) Annoying Presidential candidates - Too many fucking names Romney, Clinton, Thompson, Obama, Paul, Edwards, Guiliani etc. The only thing I think I like in any of these people is something they all have in common... None of them have the last name Bush. Politicians are all dirt balls.. Does it really take 2.5 years to decide who the final two candidates should be? I understand deciding the best option for the leader of the best country on Earth is not easy, but it seems like ever since Debbie Dubya Bush has started her second term all (the joke we call) the media has covered is the NEXT presidential race. Its also hard to figure out who the best choice is out of a basket full of douche bags and retards... We are trying to find the prettiest turd in the toilet so far that turd to me is Ron Paul or John Edwards...

Both of which probably have no chance. What worries me is if a woman or a black man get elected some red state Christian extremist racist will attempt an assassination. The Iowa Cock-us being the beginning of it all is happening as I write this we can now officially let the shit throwing party that the candidates do begin.







2.) Steriods Steriods Steriods - No surprise to me that Roger Clemens took it in the ass.
Before...








AFTER...AARRRR!!!




Even less of a surprise in pro wrestling. I think wrestlers should be allowed to take them, call it an occupational hazard as much as getting thrown around a ring is. If they want to take the legal and health risks, let them its all just a show anyway.
"Im not on anything but supplements I swear"

Real sports on the other hand are a different cup of sperm . Do I hate Barry Bonds as a human being - YES! Were steroids illegal in baseball when he turned into the Incredible Hulk? Kinda(no testing), they were illegal in the entire country though. Time to forget this steroid era and move forward just like Mark Mcgwire wants..

3.) Britney Fuckin Spears - Enough already ya crazy bitch!
Sure Id still throw it in her woman hole unprotected and get Aids, syphillis or leperacy penis but come on why is there so much focus on her. Oh thats right because she went from being miss sweet innocent "I'm a virgin" Britney to a double childbearing, drug addled, slutty train wreck. She is living proof like so many child stars that Hollywood will fuck you in the ass without giving you the slightest reach around. She really might be a suicide risk and she looks like it more and more everyday.
The tabloids need to avoid her at all costs but how can you when shes such mess? Shit she got divorced from who we thought was the bigger loser of the two, lost custody of her kids, showed her bare vag. like 1000 times, shaved her head, went crazy and smashed up her exs vehicle a little, went to rehab only to leave early then go back to rehab and leave early again, had perhaps the worst live performance on MTV in 10 years (when 50 cent is rolling his eyes you must be sucking it up), and missed a court appearance 5 times when it came to the childs custody. Good God I want to fuck her.


4.) WGA Strike fucking up my T.V. - Someone pay these fuckers already! I need to know what happens in Heroes now that Sylar has his powers back! I need the Shield, Weeds, Californication and late night T.V. has SUCKED!! I actually turned to Bill O' Reilly the other day as a source of entertainment. Seriously Bill O' Reilly that guy is about as amusing as watching someone play Sim City.

I miss Colbert! I missed Conan and Dave! Thank God those guys are back but we need all the writers on the job. Seriously what is this about online distribution? Dvd sales money? Just pay the fuckers!! They dont get dick for creating the shit that actually makes these shows watchable! I certainly don't watch Kimmel because hes handsome.

5.) Anna Nicole Smith died - She was pretty much dead already and had no soul. Her son O.D.ed and her daughter was thought to have any one of 6 different fathers.

This got way too much coverage and it is just a matter of time when you drink 12 drinks a night, take adderol, lithium, methadone, slim fast, crack and snort rock salt.

6.) The Trifecta of dumb rich bitches - It would be a foursome but Britney Spears was such a mess she had to be addressed separately.

Lindsey Lohan - Two DUIs and lots of rehab where she rode on stupid ass go carts.

Nicole Richie - DUI and got pregnant actually might be actually turning the corner in her maturity.. weird.

Paris Hilton - DUI and got the book thrown at her and she cried her ass out of jail only to go back and serve a whole 12 days....ok fine it was hard 23 days... HEAVENS!

I miss the days when the young women in Hollywood ate food and did what they do best... Preform. What do Hilton and Richie do though? Say "thats hot" and act rich? The performance I thought was the best from these bitches was when Hilton went on Larry King to claim she was gonna grow up and do charity work. Hows that coming along, Paris?

7.) WTF Chris Benoit - For a guy who I always thought was fun to watch actually use technical wrestling and deliver a good match all the time, I never thought he would end up being a complete fucking nutjob who murders his wife and kid! They wanted to blame roids for this one.. Well how many times have you actually heard of some crime being committed because of ROID RAGE!?
The murdering wolverine
This event actually proved to me that Nancy Grace is a pointless cunt to even attempt to watch. She threw this down everyones throat everynight and it got so old... Roids in wrestling!! BLAH BLAH BLAH ROID RAGE!!! I literally pissed on my T.V. Ok the guy turned out to be a monster of a human who did something WAY fucked up but it was no reason to take it out on pro wrestling in general.


8.) That Nasa bitch - She wore a diaper while she drove to Orlando to pretty much try to kill a former lover. Wow! Bitch had some balls and shit herself in the name of her own warped sense of love. Id marry her.







9.) Don Imus likes black women - So he called the Rutgers female basketball team "Nappy Headed Ho's" IT WAS A JOKE!!! When did we lose our sense of humor! Sure I hate Imus hes a piece of shit and might actually be a racist but he wasn't TRYING to be racist. When does the term "Shock Jock" mean less. He said something racy isn't that what these fuckers do? They talk about downing gallons of jizz and thats ok but HUSH HUSH on anything that that has to do with race. We are overly fucking sensitive on race. Sure the country was fucked before and our ancestors were fucked in the head on race issues but isn't there a time to let things go? He didnt even drop an N bomb and all of a sudden Imus was the leader of the Klan. Freedom of speech don't mean shit if you make a comment slightly racist. Racists are fucking lowlifes but so are people that are overly sensitive toward jokes.





10.) The New England Patriots - Fuck you Boston, I hate your sports teams with a passion! I hate New Yorks even more but you're just like them except your lame ass town is smaller by a bit. 16-0 no teams ever done that huh? Wow good for you! I hope you get killed in the playoffs because Tom Brady and Randy Moss are both the most annoying things in the NFL. Its like having America fall in love with Gilbert Godfried and Bobcat Goldwaith as their favorite standup comics. Tom Brady went to school at Michigan.. then instantly became a fag right after that. Hey if he likes banging dudes its cool but I wont root for his football team because they are in Boston. Boston has the most retarded sports stars ever! Drew Bledsoe, Wade Boggs, Larry Bird, John Cena, Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, Roids Clemens, Kevin Mchale(no disrespect Ted Williams) I think the only one on that list I can stand is Boggs and thats just because he ate fried chicken before every single game. God I hate Boston! Die Pats Die!

11.) The Detroit Tigers trade - It became apparent at the end of this year that the Tigers are either going to win now or regret early December of '07. Pulling off the biggest blockbuster deal their GM Dave Dombrowski sent the organizations two most prized prospects Andrew Miller and Cameron Maybin along with some other bums to Miami for two respected stars Miguel Cabera and Dontrelle Willis. This gives the tigers the best lineup in baseball on paper(but thats why they play the games) and 5 REAL strong pitchers. Everybody better fucking stay healthy! The future has been mortgaged time to bring the grand prize to the D!



12.) My issues - Drinking and driving...eesh! When will I learn! I got my second strike late November and will end up with at least some jail time and a sentence to never be able to ever even have one beer and drive home again. I can't take the risk... I'll probably lose my drivers license for a year and be living out of a ghetto ass motel room by June. Who knows where this is going... good thing I got a lawyer who got it pled down to guilty of a first offense(even though its number two for me). Now I wont be tossing dudes salad in jail for too long. Dont drink and drive.. For the record on both offenses I had a BAL of .20 ouch. Lesson learned! Time to grow up fuckface!

13.) Guitar Hero 3- The one game that took over the entire fucking world! For about 2 months everywhere you fucking went this being played. Shit, its still happening too... Rock Band came out and looks like this game had a quadruplets via homosexual sex. Sure its a good idea but it looks super lame and it looks far from worth it. I saw a dude rocking this game burnt off the internet on a non HD tv with the guitar hero 2 guitar and he was throwing a GH3 party... Timing was fucked but cuz everyone had a boner for the game it didnt matter. I got drunk and probably ended up with a lap full of vomit.





14.) 2 Girls 1 Cup - As Borat would say WAWAWEEWAH!! It goes downhill FAST!! The most fucking disgusting thing you'll ever voluntarily see. It became the internet's secret deadly weapon towards sanity! Everyone filmed their face watching it for the first time if they were told what it was before. Thank you Youtube! Those videos alone are hilarious after you know what HELL they are watching. This is by far the sickest shit Ive ever seen. If you havent seen it, well first of all you're late! Second just think two women in a porn eating shit then one vomits it back up and into the other chicks mouth. Quite HOT!! If you've seen this then I high recommend looking for the BME pain olympics. OUCH! Are these things proof of deterioration on the morals of the world? I think morals have always been bad and were just now not hiding it as much. What a year for everything to be FUCKED!

15.) Summer Comedies - It was actually refreshing for once to see some movies that broke the rules and brought something new with comedy films. Superbad and Hot Rod in particular they saved my summer.. Hot Rod gets a bad rap as just being too stupid but for a fan that loves that kind of film it was dead on... The lonely island dudes totally delivered a great film for what it was, considering they were the back up to Will Ferrell who passed on the project. Thank God Ferrell didn't do this movie otherwise it just woulda been the same old shit. I think they did it better than Will could have. Superbad was Judd Apatows best film so far (even considering Walk Hard).. Its perhaps the best high school movie ever (up there with the first American Pie). Michael Cera is the next big talent and if you dont believe me got to clarkandmichael.com and watch that shit... I will say that Balls of Fury SUCKED!!!

16.) Star Wars My way - I was always the one saying "FUCK YOU NERD!!!" Everytime Star Wars was on T.V. I was like "I'll never watch that shit even if I'm forced". Then I watched an episode of Robot Chicken and I didn't get any of the jokes. It was obviously the Star Wars episode...I got sick of not understanding the jokes, not understanding anything ever of this pop culture phenomenon. I had made sure I was clear of all Star wars anything cuz I didnt want to know! Then one day I had a few hours to kill on my job and I saw the torrent of all 6 movies on one download. I figured FUCK IT Im sick of not knowing these nerd jokes or references. SOOOO I allowed myself to start watching these nerd movies. I did it however the opposite way of most. I watched this shit from that shitty Episode one movie on... For some reason even episode one grabbed me and trapped me into the star wars world. I hated A LOT of that movie too.. it trapped me and It got better with every episode of the movies. Episode 3 was AWESOME!!! I think the worst two of the whole series was Episode one and New Hope or the original first movie. The rest were awesome..

There were some missing links like I didnt know who the Emporer was in the new episodes and I kinda had to figure it out. I thought it was cheesy that Chewbacca and Yoda met previously. Anyway bottom line... I am indeed an official nerd now thank you Star wars! I will now only portray my penis in a dramatic role if that role allows for my penis to be portrayed as a handicapped penis with several bandages!